" Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, Life is not in vain. " - Hellen Keller (1880 - 1968)





A Heart Felt Welcome To You....

I am a mother of 3 children, who has now passed the stage of the "Biological Clock ." I lost my planned and very much wanted precious first child - a son "Nicholas" - at 19 weeks & 4 days gestation, due to birth defects. My 2 other children are the love of my life, and I treasure every moment I spend with them. I am currently studying to be a counsellor while also hoping to finish writing a book this year, about my life's experiences & many challenges.



You can also catch a summary by viewing my complete profile. I'd love you to stay awhile, to hopefully be comforted and inspired by my writing, and enjoy the read! Please post a comment, I would love to hear from you. xxxx



Please click on the Picture of Nicholas' Home Page to read my story of losing my first child "Darling Precious Angel Son In Heaven".













My Memorial Site

I Also Have A Special Memorial Site Named:

"Eternal Names By The Sea"

Especially To Honour Our Precious Loved One's, if you would like to have a look, leave a name request or post a comment, just click on the photo on the right hand side of my page.

Or feel free to click on the link below:

http://eternalnamesbythesea.blogspot.com/

I would love to hear from you xxxx

I am very happy to do this as a special touch from my heart to yours, as the pain of losing a precious loved one is very heartbreaking.

I am always here for you xxxx



Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bairnsdale Ulcers - Its Not Good News

My results have come back and there is the "Bad News" and the "Really Bad News"......
After seeing my Doctor this afternoon, my results confirmed that I have "Bairnsdale Ulcers"(That's the Bad News) and because they are growing quite rapidly, the "LAB" is now looking to see if I have "leprosy"(And that's the really bad news!!!!).....................
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh.......................................................................
I am now on two even stronger antibiotics, as well as having to go and see my doctor everyday for injections.....aarrrrggghhhh.....OUCH !!!!!!
I have been told that while the "LAB" is testing me for Leprosy I have to be quarantined at home. The only places I'm allowed to go to is the Doctor and the Chemist!!!! When I came out of the Doctors office, I was told to stand near the door of the doctors office, and the receptionist (with a mask over her face) then evacuated the patients from the waiting room to the car park, until I had left. My first thought was that because of the recent outbreaks of "Swine Flu", they must of had a patient in the treatment room, (because that's what they did yesterday) but no....it was because of me being classed as "Highly Contagious"..... It was such a terrifying and humiliating experience.
Now my precious children have had to go and stay with their father until I get the "All Clear".......Whenever that will be??????
Years ago here in Melbourne, Australia we used to have an "Infectious Diseases Hospital", but over the years with the many changes of State and Federal Governments with their wisdom, and many cost cutting in the community they
have closed it down!!!!! If it was still open, then that's where I would be at the moment, but instead I have to stay in my home and my poor darling and very precious children have to stay away from me and their own home. They are both extremely upset and concerned about me, as well as having to leave their home, so their father and I have decided not to tell them what my Doctor told me today, all we have explained to them is "I might be contagious with my ulcers and its best they aren't with me until I find out more from the Doctor". My heart was breaking when they left with their father, we were all in tears, and I can't even give them cuddles and kisses to try and comfort them and ease their anxiety........... Its very hard to see my children suffering so much.
And even though I worked out a way to open a bottle of wine to have a glass, and too also have a cigarette, I am now not allowed to have any alcohol while I'm on all this medication!!!! And I sure do wish I could have a glass at the moment!!
So instead I have to keep up my sense of humour, so if anyone has any funny stories or experiences to share, I would love to hear from you....Please....
I really need a good laugh right now.
xxxx

Bairnsdale Ulcers - The Good And The Bad !!

Yesterday I went back to my GP, and was given another very painful injection!!!! And I have too go back again this afternoon for another one (OUCH!!!!).
The results have come back on my blood tests, and she said it was good news, that I have a bacterial infection.....How is that good I asked???? Her reply was that she was testing me for Leukemia, and I don't have that!!!! (Yes that is very good news!!!!). The results haven't come back yet on my swabs, so she is still not sure what my ulcers are....(I'm still panicking).....
The third ulcer that popped up on Friday, is growing very very rapidly...Arrgghh..... While there hasn't been any change in the other two ulcers, none of them are responding to the heavy doses of antibiotics!!!!
My GP said that until my swab results come back, and we know exactly what the ulcers are, that its no use sending me to specialists yet, so hopefully when I see her this afternoon my swab results will have come back, and we'll know where to go from here!! I must admit the pain is excruciating, and I cannot have any painkillers, and there is good reasons for that, which I'll explain in another post one day, because that's a long story.
My precious children are very distraught about my condition, and seeing I'm not allowed to touch them at the moment, its very upsetting to not be able to comfort them with lots of reassuring cuddles, all I can do is just keep reassuring them through my words.
Where I live there are not enough Doctors, so I have too travel one hour to see my Doctor, and travel one hour to get back home. Its very annoying, but unfortunately there is a shortage of Doctors here on the Mornington Peninsula, as well as all over Australia at the moment.
Last night I again googled my condition (Should I have really done that??) And I found out that Koala's and Possums can have the same ulcers, and here where I live I am surrounded by Koala's and Possums.... That's when I remembered what happened to me over a week ago......Arrgghhhh!!!!!
I have a very friendly Possum on my front porch, who often comes too visit me when I'm sitting out there, and he is very curious......Do you know where I'm going with this????
I was just as curious about him as he was with me, and he looked sooooo cute, so I tried to pat him............. And he gave me a tiny little nip on my finger where one of my ulcers is. It didn't hurt, and was a minuscule bite, but it did break the skin, so now I'm wondering if I got the ulcers from him???? Even though the medical professionals haven't established that you can get these ulcers from Possums, they do know that Possums have the same ulcers..... Is this just a coincidence???? I'll have to ask my Doctor this afternoon.
I would like to give my love and thoughts too such wonderful ladies I have met in the blogging world, as well as a huge thank you to them too. They all share a very special place in my heart xxxx
Spencer - Bellamere Cottage
Kirrily - Sunny Side Up
June - Laughing With Angels
Silver - Reflections
Melissa - 2feetontheearth1inthestars
Carly - Love Reign Over Me
AnnaMarie - A Garden For Butterflies
Laura - Moments Of Pause
And a huge thank you too my friends, neighbours, and especially my family which some of them are also going through very difficult times at the moment, so I'm sending lots of love to them too xxxx
I also want to wish one of my precious niece's a very happy birthday today, and I love her dearlyxxxx

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Gippsland Ulcers - The News Is Not Good

Yesterday's visit with my GP, didn't go very well and has now left me terrified!!!!
After I saw her on Friday, I had too go and have blood tests, as well as swabs from my ulcers. So when she saw my ulcers yesterday, she noticed that they are growing rapidly, and is very concerned, as she has never seen anything like this before.....Arrgghh..... She then gave me another injection of a very strong antibiotic, (OUCH) and I have to go back and see her again tomorrow for another injection, (OUCH AGAIN) and to hopefully find out the results from the swabs and blood tests.....Also I have too continue on the antibiotics that I got from the local hospital!!!! (You know what can happen with antibiotics, for females, well that's happened too now, if you know what I mean!!!!)
My GP said that the ulcers should have responded to the two powerful courses of antibiotics by now, (Which they haven't)...... So now she isn't quite sure what my ulcers are, and mentioned that if the swelling or redness moves up my hands or arms, I have too go to the emergency department at my local hospital straight away.....Arrrggghhh!!!!!!! (Now I am starting too panic).
If my ulcers are not showing any sign of improvement by tomorrow, and also if my results haven't come back, she is going to send me to a "Infectious Diseases" specialist.......In the mean time I am not to touch, or go near anyone....Arrgghh..
Today, when I've been changing the dressings on them, there getting worse, and the third one that started on Friday is growing rapidly too ....Can I start screaming from fear yet????
Yes I think I will..........FEAR.......PAIN........ONLY 2 HOURS OF SLEEP AGAIN LAST NIGHT.........AAARRRGGGHHH..........................

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Gippsland Ulcers (Bairnsdale Ulcers) I Wish I Hadn't Googled !!!!

After only two hours sleep last night, I woke up with my fingers and hands in such severe pain and swelling......
So I decided to Google it....(Not a good idea)
According to the "Better Health Channel" website here in Victoria, "Gippsland Ulcer" or better known as "Bairnsdale Ulcer" is a skin disease caused by the bacterium "Mycobacterium Ulcerans (MU)". The toxins made by the bacteria destroy skin cells, small blood vessels (capillaries) and subcutaneous fat, which leads to ulceration and skin loss. These bacteria are found naturally in the environment, but the mode of infection to humans is unknown.
The Bairnsdale Ulcer is not thought to be contagious, and is a rare infection.
So I then compared my symptoms,
The progression of symptoms can include:
  • A spot that looks like a mosquito bite forms on the skin..(Yes that's what mine did!)
  • A spot that grows bigger over days or weeks...(Yes!!)
  • The spot may form a crusty, non-healing scab...(Yes!!)
  • The scab that disintegrates into an ulcer...(Yes!!)
  • The ulcer continues to enlarge...(Yes!!)
  • Unlike other ulcers, this ulcer is usually painless...(MINE CERTAINLY ARE!!)
  • There is generally no fever or other signs of infection...(Yes!!)
  • The limbs are more commonly affected...(Yes!!)

And then I went on to read the treatment options!!!!

Since the ulcer gets bigger with time, early diagnosis and prompt treatment can keep the amount of skin loss to a minimum. The first line of treatment is generally surgery to cut away the dead skin...Arrgghhhh..... A surrounding portion of tissue is also cut out to make sure the infection is completely removed. Depending on the extent of surgery, skin grafts may be needed close to the wound.

Sometimes the ulceration can return after surgery, which means another operation is required....Arrgghhhh.....

I won't write anymore as the prognosis is not good!!!! If you would like to know more.... Which I don't !!!!

The link is:

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Bairnsdale_ulcer?OpenDocument

Has anyone else regretted googling about a medical condition???? Because I really do wish I hadn't !!!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Their Not Mosquito Bites !!!!

Okay so today I went to my GP, and after being on antibiotics since Monday (prescribed to me by the emergency department at my local hospital) my fingers are now even worse!!!! She told me that unfortunately their not mosquito bites, but a lot more serious.... Apparently I have been bitten by a bug (although the medical profession don't know what sort of bug it is) I have been diagnosed with "Gippsland Ulcers"????? So today I've had one "VERY LARGE" and "PAINFUL" injection in my bottom (injections don't worry me....but that's another story) of a very powerful antibiotic, to hopefully help heal up my fingers, and tomorrow morning I have too go back and see my GP for another one!!!! She said that "Gippsland Ulcers" don't usually respond too antibiotics, and its more likely that next week I'll have to go and see a surgeon to have them cut out....... "OUCH"
There are two of them at the moment, and I noticed this morning that another one is coming up on my ring finger on my left hand!!!!!! If the surgeon has too cut them out, there wont be much of my two fingers left..... I am so terrified, and they are so "PAINFUL". I didn't realise how much I bump my hands, until I got these on my fingers, the pain can only be described as someone twisting my fingers with a knife, and when I bump them, it feels like someone is hitting them with a hammer at the same time..... Arrggggghhh....
I have not been allowed too put my hands in or near water for two weeks!!!!
Also I've been told I'm not too put my hands in or near water until they are gone!!! (Not even with gloves on)....Whenever that will be????
So now I have some questions:
1. How do I have a shower without getting my hands wet?
2. How do I get my two children ages 13 and 11,to do the dishes? (because the dirty dishes have been piling up for a week now)!!!!
3. Please excuse the next question, but:
4. How do I wash my hands after going to the toilet? (sorry)
5. How do I do wash my hair?
6. How do I get dressed?
7. How do I put my socks on?
8. How (if I'm lucky to be able to get dressed) do I get things in or out of my pockets?
9. How do I get anything out of my handbag?
10. How do I get money out of my purse?
11. How do I put LPG (gas) in my car?
12. How do I lock and unlock my house with the keys?
13. How do I use my mobile phone?
14. How do I cook?
15. How do I open anything up? (eg: milk containers, jars, tins, etc)
16. How do I change a toilet roll?
17. How do I light a cigarette, let alone trying to hold it so I can smoke it?
18. How do I open a bottle of wine to be able to have a glass to drown my sorrows.
19. How do I put on my makeup?
20. How do I do my housework?
21. How do I make the beds?
22. How do I do my hair?
Believe me the list of questions would be too long to put them all here.
If anyone knows the answer too my questions or can explain what "Gippsland Ulcers" really are, I would really appreciate It please.....please.....please.....
I have one on the middle finger on my right hand, and the other is on the index finger on my left hand. Which of course makes it impossible too do anything!! I didn't realise how much I use these fingers, until now.
Would you believe me if I said I am actually writing this with my thumbs?
Well I am.... and its not easy.... Just try and picture it....
And now my two children have gone to their fathers for the weekend.
If I wasn't laughing so much on how silly my situation is, I think I'd be crying.
Thank goodness I have great family, friends and neighbours.
I suppose all I can do at the moment is laugh, and my silly sense of humour really helps !!!!!!
I've gotta go, my thumbs are getting tired, and my bottom is sore...lol....
Kay xxxx

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Mosquito Bites !!!!

Does anyone know of a good prevention against Mosquito Bites?
I have two badly infected Mosquito bites on my hands......
Unfortunately I have a sensitivity to mosquito's and in the area I'm living they always get badly infected......
When I was a child, our family always used to come to this area on holidays, and whenever I got mosquito bites they would always get infected, it never seems to happen when I get mosquito bites anywhere else, its always only around here....
The Mosquito's LOVE me????
I'm having a lot of difficulty at the moment with my hands, and I didn't realise how many time I bump my hands against things until I have these on my hands.
I won't show you the gory side, just take a look at the photo of my poor hands all wrapped in bandages...... Its making it very difficult to be able to do anything.....



Please Help..................................................................................

Friday, May 15, 2009

If You Need A Laugh

Last Night I was in desperate need of a good laugh,
and I came across a very funny blog by the name of
STAR.

If you too are in need of a good laugh here is the link:


http://star-foreveryoung.blogspot.com/


I highly recommend it, as Stella has such a great
sense of humour.

xxxx

This Made Me Laugh

The Next Survivor Series !!!!

Six married men will be dropped on an island,
with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take
music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his
assigned house clean, correct all homework, and
complete science projects, cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough
money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in
money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all
their friends and relatives, and send cards out on
time - no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's
appointment, a dentists appointment, and a
haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child to the Hospital Emergency Department.

He must also make biscuits or cakes for a social
function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his
own assigned house, planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when
the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup
daily, adorn himself with jewellery, wear
uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails
polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to
endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme unexplained mood swings but
never once complain or slow down from other
duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings,
church, and find time at least once to spend the
afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each
night and in the morning, feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and comb their hair by 8.00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks,
and each father will be required to know all of
the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's
name.

Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of
birth, and length of labour, each child's favourite
color, middle name, favourite snack, favourite
song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear
and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids can then vote them off the island based
on performance.

The last man wins only if... he still has enough
energy to be intimate with his spouse at a
moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game
over and over and over again for the next 18 - 25
years eventually earning the right....

To be called Mum!!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Thank You Melissa

I would like to sincerely thank Melissa from the bottom of my heart for writing Nicholas' name and sending me this wonderful photo. I will treasure it forever.

If you can please help Melissa with her photo scrapbook of names, please view her blog at:
http://2feetonearth1inthestars.wordpress.com/
xxxx

A Family Treasure Trove

In January 1956 my Mum & Dad went for a working holiday for a year to the U.K. Growing up us kids we would always here about their many adventures, as well as often having slide nights to see all the pictures they had taken of their trip. We always loved to hear about their travels, and to see their photos.

Mum & Dad had written many letters to the family back home in Australia, while I never saw them over the years, Dad would mention them every now and again. Once Mum passed away in 1981, we thought that my "EVIL" stepfather had got rid of them, like he had done with alot of Mum's other personal things.

Late last year I decided to have a big clean out, and I went through a particular box that I had always carried around with me to wherever I was living, without ever opening it. I had been taking this box everywhere with me since I moved out of home in 1981!! To my total amazement, I found in the box all of the letters that they had written - there was 112 of them!!!! And Mum being the writer that she was, they were all at least 3 or more pages long, some were even 12 pages long!! Mum was never short of words!!!!


I was so excited when I found them, that I had to read them all right away - It felt like Mum had walked into the room herself, sat down beside me, and was telling me the story of their trip herself. Mum always had a great way with words, especially in her writing.

It felt like I had opened up a time capsule, and was experiencing life back in 1956. I then of course made copies of them for myself and the rest of the family, and passed the original letters back to Dad. Even he was amazed to read them, because some of them he hadn't known Mum had written.


This Photo Is Of Mum In Adelaide


This Photo Is Of Mum & Dad On The Ship To England
(They Look So Young And Carefree)

This Photo Is Of Buckingham Palace
(Check Out The Cars !!!)


This Photo Is Of Their Little Black Morris Van

They Travelled In Around The U.K.



Then a couple of weeks ago out of the blue, I heard from one of My Aunty's letting me know that she had old Home Movie footage of Mum, Dad and the family from back in the 1950s, as well as alot of photos of Mum's family dating back to the 1800s !!!! I was so thrilled to hear from her, and she kindly sent me copies of everything she had.

Of course watching the old Home Movies, I had lots of laughs as well as many tears. It was so weird to actually see movie footage of Mum & Dad looking so young, happy and carefree, and I could also see alot of Mum in myself. Over the years I have often been told I look like my Mum, and now I can see why after watching the Old Home Movies. When my sweet daughter "Kimberley" watched it at first she thought it was actually me, until I let her know it was Mum. Her precious comment was "Now I can see where you get your silliness from"!

Kimberley is often "Very Serious", (Its almost as if she is the adult in the house). I soon advised her that "My Silliness" comes from "BOTH" sides of my family, and that she too has it in her "GENES" !!!! Both from me and my family as well as her Dad's side.... "Poor Kimberley"....


Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day To all my wonderful friends,
Thinking of you all in my heart today,
With Lots of Love, Hugs & Kisses to you all and our precious lost babies,
I hope you all have a lovely Mothers Day.
xxxx